How far I've come.

[manicsfan]

I can't believe how far I have come with my agoraphobia since the beginning of the year. Just 10 months ago I couldn't even walk out the front door of my house without freaking out, it had been months since I had left the house, and I was starting to think I was never going to be able to handle going outside again. Now I am going outside, going to demos, going to comedy things, ect. I have 3 big dates for me next month.

This may not seem much to most people, in fact it probably still seems very reclusive, which I guess it is, but it's huge for me compared to where I was just a few short months ago. All the work and stress and panic I have gone through to just get to this point is finally paying off. I do still need someone I trust with me at all times while I'm out the house, and I can't go anywhere on my own yet, but I will get to that point too someday. It seems unreachable right now, but then again where I am now seemed unreachable just last year.

I do still have panic attacks when I'm out the house somedays, and I do still have days where I can't leave the house at all, but it's still progress. I still can't talk on the phone at all though, and cannot meet new people in real life or talk to people I don't know in real life yet (rather than on the Internet which I can do), but again I'm still taking small steps towards those goals, so maybe someday.

Frankly I don't think I'll ever be a people person, I have no real desire to have close friendships in real life, or ever have a relationship, in real life or any other way. I just tend to prefer my own company in general. But it would be nice to be able to cope with doing the basic things in life, and maybe have a few casual friends...

Stay Beautiful,

Aissa.

Comments

[tallulahgs]

That is really awesome. Well done!

[justin-the-jack.livejournal.com]

As long as you feel that you are getting closer to what you truly want out of life... your desires are going to continue to combat your fears and keep you moving, so stick to your guns, and live it up, one adventure at a time. :-D

[mcr-wolf.livejournal.com]

Interesting... never heard of anyone who was afraid of going outside. though it's nice to see you're fighting the good fight. ^^ I love your pro by the way. How'd you get the wolves? Oh and dude you rock! The avtar you made was kick ass! ^^

[manics-fan.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for the nice comments.

I got the wolf emotion icons from a website which doesn't have them on it anymore, but I do have them saved on my Image Shack account, which is here if you want to save them and use them yourself:

http://profile.imageshack.us/user/manicsfan/

Thanks, I'm glad you liked the avatar ^_^