How far I've come.

I can't believe how far I have come with my agoraphobia since the beginning of the year. Just 10 months ago I couldn't even walk out the front door of my house without freaking out, it had been months since I had left the house, and I was starting to think I was never going to be able to handle going outside again. Now I am going outside, going to demos, going to comedy things, ect. I have 3 big dates for me next month.

This may not seem much to most people, in fact it probably still seems very reclusive, which I guess it is, but it's huge for me compared to where I was just a few short months ago. All the work and stress and panic I have gone through to just get to this point is finally paying off. I do still need someone I trust with me at all times while I'm out the house, and I can't go anywhere on my own yet, but I will get to that point too someday. It seems unreachable right now, but then again where I am now seemed unreachable just last year.

I do still have panic attacks when I'm out the house somedays, and I do still have days where I can't leave the house at all, but it's still progress. I still can't talk on the phone at all though, and cannot meet new people in real life or talk to people I don't know in real life yet (rather than on the Internet which I can do), but again I'm still taking small steps towards those goals, so maybe someday.

Frankly I don't think I'll ever be a people person, I have no real desire to have close friendships in real life, or ever have a relationship, in real life or any other way. I just tend to prefer my own company in general. But it would be nice to be able to cope with doing the basic things in life, and maybe have a few casual friends...

Stay Beautiful,

Aissa.